I Almost Do, All Too Well
by edwardsbellamy
Summary: Bella and Edward's relationship was like a love song. Are they meant for a happy ending?


**I can't make any excuses for the length of time it has been since I posted something. I can only say that writing has given me a much deeper respect for all of the amazing authors in this fandom and I will never question how long it takes someone to post. Although I will still probably wait impatiently for my favorite stories to post... Happy reading!**

Bella fidgeted with the ends of her green scarf nervously. She had stared at her closet for way too long, trying to decide what to wear tonight, before her roommate and best friend, Alice had breezed into their dorm room and pulled together the perfect outfit in less than a minute. Alice had assured her the the scarf gave the outfit the perfect blend of dressy and casual. Bella had been so grateful, she'd promised Alice an all-day shopping trip on her next free weekend. For anyone who knew how much she detested shopping with Alice, this showed just how petrified she was about the evening's outing.

Edward Cullen lived in the same dorm, two floors up. She'd heard the girls on her floor talk about how good-looking he was and how much they wanted to hook up with him so many times before she actually met the man that she'd been convinced it was all hype. It wasn't. When she was paired up with him for a project in her Biology class, she'd discovered that everything the girls said about him was true. Was maybe even an understatement. She'd barely been able to string two words together the first few times they'd met at the library to work and she was sure he found her mentally deficient, but she'd been surprised to learn that behind all the perfection was a genuinely nice guy. The third time they'd met, he'd suggested that they meet in one of their dorm rooms, hers actually, because his roommate had reduced their room to a place he wouldn't let her enter without a Hazmat suit. Alice's presence during their study session had put Bella enough at ease that she could actually relax, joke around and get to know Edward a bit better. The more she learned, the more she liked him. Even though their Biology project, had been over for two weeks, Edward occasionally joined the girls at meals in the cafeteria or for a movie in their room, usually at Alice's invitation. One night at dinner, he'd rolled his eyes and said he'd been roped into going to a party, and would they go with him and make it slightly less boring. Alice quickly claimed a previous engagement, but also declared that Bella would love to join him, because her Friday night was wide open. Lowering her eyes to hide her embarrassment made Bella miss Edward's smirk.

That was how she found herself dressed in the "perfect" outfit, with Edward's hand at the small of her back, walking up to a familiar apartment building. "Do you know Emmett?" she asked, turning to Edward curiously.

Edward's head whipped around. "How do you know Emmett?" he asked , his eyes narrowing.

She gave a faint smile. "You know I'm from a small town, right?" He nodded, still looking suspicious. "Actually, I grew up just down the street from Emmett. He's always been like a big brother to me, even though I was always the one bailing him out of trouble." She looked at Edward. "How do you know Emmett?"

"I really don't know him all that well. You know his girlfriend, Rosalie, right?" Bella blanched. She'd been introduced to Rosalie, and Rosalie had been present the last two times she'd hung out with Emmett, but she could hardly claim to know the woman whose expression never wavered from a mask of indifference. Bella had no idea whether Rosalie liked her or was plotting her death, and her intimidating presence tended to make the already shy and clumsy Bella become even more bumblingly inept. Edward's ears turned pink as he recognized Bella's trepidation. "She's my...um...sister," he mumbled quickly. "I know she can be a little hard to take at first."

"No, no, she's great!" Bella's false cheer was not at all convincing and Edward's expression said that he was onto her, so she frowned. "Why didn't you tell me we were going to your sister's."

The flush in Edward's ears spread to his entire face. "I didn't want to go to her party, but she called our mom. I thought if I told you about my sister, you wouldn't come and I really wanted you to come. I've actually been trying to ask you out for a while now. How lame that the only thing I could think of was my sister's party!" By his embarrassment and how rushed his words came out, Bella knew that he hadn't intended for her to learn that last part.

She gave him a soft smile. "I'm glad you invited me." He smiled back at her and his tension seemed to ease. Edward took her hand in his and led her to the door of an apartment. A few seconds after he knocked, the door swung open and Bella was ripped away from Edward into Emmett's enthusiastic embrace.

Edward was quite pleased how the evening was going. After he and his sister had pried Emmett off of Bella, Emmett had realized that Edward and Bella had come together, he had delighted in grilling the two of them on how they'd met and the details of their relationship. Then he'd attempted a big-brotherly-like speech about Edward's intentions, but it wasn't very intimidating due to the fact that he could barely speak around his laughter. A simple glare from Rosalie had finally made Emmett fall silent.

The gathering was small and quite tame for Rosalie and Emmett, only a few close friends invited to celebrate their moving in together. Rosalie had insisted that Edward bring Bella because he hadn't been able to shut up about her since they began working on a project together. She'd met Bella through Emmett a few times, but hadn't gotten a good read on the quiet, timid girl. Whereas Emmett couldn't pull off intimidation, Rosalie was the reason many a skank hadn't made it past a few dates with her little brother.

Bella had been very quiet all evening and Edward noticed that she was watching Emmett with wide eyes. He asked her what she found so fascinating and she whispered her answer back. "I've never someone manage to keep him in line before. Your sister must have magical powers."

Edward burst out laughing. "She perfected her bitch face when I got big enough to go into her room," he said, rather loudly. Bella's face flushed a dull red as Rosalie's eyes focused on Edward and Bella. She turned and whispered something to Emmett, and the two of them made their way across the room to where Edward and Bella were sitting. Rosalie ordered her brother to help her in the kitchen in a tone that allowed no argument. Emmett plopped down in Edward's spot and tried to engage her in conversation about the latest gossip from Forks, which he was well aware of thanks to his mother, but Bella couldn't help glancing nervously at the kitchen every few seconds.

Edward returned more than ten minutes later, glowing and anxious to tell the girl that he couldn't stop thinking about that she was also the first girl he'd ever been interested in that his sister actually liked.

Grinning, Edward rejoined Bella on the loveseat and commented on her bright red face. She claimed that the room was growing warm and he offered to help her take off her scarf. Their hand tangled together and their heads bumped as they tried to untangle them from her scarf. Then Bella received her first kiss in plain view of her pseudo-big-brother and her dream man's overprotective sister, who grinned as they watched the couple so wrapped up in their own little world that they didn't seem to notice anyone around them.

Later, as they left the party, practically with cartoon hearts for eyes, they also didn't notice Bella's scarf left on the couch.

Bella could feel herself falling along with the leaves. Edward was slowly becoming the center of her world. Alice had a thing for southern boys and Edward seemed to get along well with her latest catch, Jasper, despite the fact that he thought he'd fought in the Civil War when he was high. The two couples, along with Rosalie and Emmett, formed a tight-knit social group, with whom Bella spent all of her time, when she wasn't alone with Edward. She'd even done a few girly outings with Alice and Rosalie, and gotten to know the warm, loving person behind her icy exterior.

For their three month anniversary, Edward had suggested a trip upstate for apple picking and an overnight stay at a bed-and-breakfast. Bella wasn't sure how her twenty-year-old, X-Box-loving boyfriend had come up with the idea, but she would go along happily with anything he suggested.

The trip consisted largely of two-lane highways and the unseasonably warm weather had them both rolling their windows down. Bella couldn't take her eyes off the adorable way the wind mussed Edward's hair and the way the sun seemed to frame him like a crown. Edward's view was full of apple-red cheeks, warm chocolate eyes, and tousled mahogany hair that framed a pale, beautiful face. His view was unfortunately not large enough to include the traffic light turning from red to green, but gradually the annoyed sounds of honking horns behind began to penetrate, but he couldn't stop himself from breathing, "I love you," softly as he turned his eyes back to the road.

He missed Bella's shocked, delighted reaction as she gasped, "Do you mean it?"

He nodded. "Look at me!" she demanded.

He explained that if he looked at her again, they would have a car accident because he wouldn't be able to stop staring at her. She ordered him to skip the apple orchard and take them straight to the bed-and-breakfast, where she proved with both words and actions that she loved him in return.

In Bella's opinion, no girl had ever had a first time as special as her own.

Typically, Bella was the nervous one in their relationship, but when it came to her meeting his parents for the first time, she had never seen him so jumpy. His mother had demanded to meet the girl who was the reason her son barely looked up from his cell phone the entire winter break, so they drove up to join his parents at their vacation home in Vancouver, for a weekend of skiing. The fact that they would be stopping to have dinner with Bella's father on the way back to school caused Edward's nerves to double.

He had hoped that fresh powder on the ground would keep them from spending too much time with his parents indoors, but he should have known better than to underestimate his mother. Esme Cullen swore that she would control herself around the first girl her son had ever brought home, but Edward knew that was a lie when she brought out the entire box of photo albums she'd hauled from home less than an hour after he and Bella arrived. Carlisle Cullen smiled at his wife's overenthusiastic reaction to the lovely young woman both his son and daughter raved about and chuckled at his son's discomfort.

Edward felt a twinge of panic when his girlfriend commented on how much he'd looked like his father as a child, and his mind floated an image of a toddler with chocolate eyes and mahogany hair. His panic grew when he saw a photograph that was practically identical to his mental picture sitting on Charlie Swan's mantle two days later.

Edward had thought his future brother-in-law was exaggerating when he'd raved on and on about the benefits of a guy moving in with his girlfriend. Your bathroom was always clean, your place never smelled faintly of sweat socks, and the experience of finding your roommate's underwear lying around was a good surprise, not a terrifying experience like it was when you roomed with another guy. Edward agreed with Emmett on all of these things being pros, but his favorite part of living together was the feeling he always got when he came home to her. Even on the shittiest of days, coming home to their apartment and seeing her caused a warm glow to take up residence in his chest. It was like a drug that he couldn't get enough of, and it scared him to think to much about it.

He chose to lose himself in the little moments, like looking up from his studies to see her watching him over the top of her reading glasses or waking up at midnight to an empty bed and finding her rooting through the refrigerator for a midnight snack, then grabbing her and twirling her around the kitchen in the pale light of the refrigerator. If he focused on her and not the looming terror of graduation and the fact that he had no idea what he wanted to do with his adult life, he could almost keep the fear at bay.

Bella loved every moment of being a bridesmaid in Rosalie's wedding. Watching Rosalie pick out her dress was the one shopping trip she'd enjoyed. Getting to have a say in what Rosalie would wear on the most important day of her life was an amazing feeling and Bella couldn't help but picture what her own wedding dress would like. She tried to hide her excitement from Edward. He'd been acting strange lately, more and more on edge as graduation grew closer.

Much as she tried to hide her feelings from him, he knew her all too well not to see the excitement and longing pouring out of her the day of his sister's wedding. Her dress was beautiful, but the emotion in her eyes made her shine brighter than even the bride. Looking at her was overwhelming, but he couldn't look at the rest of his family and friends. Emmett looked starstruck and couldn't keep his eyes off of Edward's sister, who normally kept a tight lock on her emotions, but today couldn't contain her happiness. Alice and Jasper were making cow eyes at each other ever since he'd decided to stay in Seattle for his graduate work. His father was misty-eyed over the marriage of his baby girl and was gushing to anyone who would listen about the virtues of his children and the bright futures that lay before them. Worst of all was his mother, who gaze kept moving from the happy couple to his own girlfriend to himself. He knew from the sappy smile on her face that Esme was expecting him to approach her any day to ask for his grandmother's ring. The ring that, right after his grandmother's death, his mother had shown to him as she put it in her drawer, telling him that it would be waiting there until he found a girl special enough to wear it.

He had found that girl and he knew that, after graduation, after he found an adult job, everyone expected him to put the ring on that girl's finger. Then they would have their own fairy-tale wedding and spend their lives working and raising children. He would pay the mortgage, cut the lawn, and coach soccer teams, just like his father had. He would be the kind of solid, dependable man that his father was, that everyone expected him to be.

In the past, visions of his future, of a life like his father's, had typically been comforting. Carlisle Cullen was one of Edward's heroes and he would be lucky to turn out just like the man. But as the reality of that life came ever closer, he found the thought of it like a weight around his neck. When he looked at the girl he loved, the girl who was his future, he felt a weight crushing on his chest and he could hardly breathe. He needed to say something soon. Things couldn't continue the way they were.

Bella had know that something was bothering Edward for awhile. She thought maybe it had something to do with Rosalie and Emmett's wedding, maybe he was feeling the pressure to propose. While she had delighted in being beside the happy couple throughout the whole process of planning and executing their dream wedding, had hung off of their every word about their lovely honeymoon and blissful first month of wedded bliss, she wasn't expecting a commitment from her own boyfriend for a long while. She tried to convey this point to him, that she had hopes and dreams of her own, and she wanted to wait until they were settled into their adult life before they made any further commitment to each other. She would've been happy with his acknowledgment that their permanent promises to each other would be made five to ten years down the road, as long as they were headed in the same direction. She asked him for his honest opinion, about how he felt about their relationship and where they were headed. His answer caused her world to shatter.

He claimed that pressure from friends, parents, and even her made him feel like he couldn't breathe, like the walls were closing in on him. He needed time and space, to figure out who he was and where his life was going. He didn't want to make things difficult or confusing for her, so he would be couch-surfing his buddies' places for the last month of school until graduation. Then he left without looking back.

Being untethered was exactly what Edward had been missing. He loved the rush of waking up somewhere unfamiliar and not knowing where he would be falling asleep later that same day. He avoided his parents and friends, unable to face their disapproval. He felt a pang every time he spotted a girl with long, dark hair, but it wasn't enough to make him give up the feeling of finally being free. The ultimate adrenaline rush came the day that he realized he could skip the last few weeks of school, skip final week and still graduate. His final semester's grades would be in the toilet, but he'd built enough credit to leave knowing that his diploma would be waiting for him when he was ready to return. His parents had bought him a responsible, adult Volvo as graduation present, and he'd received it a few months early so that he'd have reliable, impressive transportation to all of the job and graduate school interviews his parents expected him to go on. Instead, he sold the Volvo and used the money to buy a plane ticket to Paris and a backpack.

Edward called Bella to tell her of his plans, to let her know that he would be leaving her enough money to cover his share of the rent until summer. It was less the actual words and more the excitement in his voice about planning his future without her that had her crumpled into a ball on the floor by the time the call was over. The Edward she had known would never have been able to destroy her world so casually. In the finality of his voice, in the click at the end of the conversation, she knew that the man she loved was gone.

Bella's summer was spent hiding under the covers in her bedroom at her father's house, her face a swollen, red mess. She returned to school looking underweight and unhealthy. Her father was relieved to turn her over to her sympathetic girlfriends and prepared to use his service weapon on Edward Cullen if he ever dared show his face again. Rosalie and Alice indulged Bella in several weeks of ice cream dinners and sad movie marathons. They hid the scant evidence that they had received that Edward was having the time of his life, fearing that she would slip into a deeper depression. On a rare day that both women were busy and couldn't babysit her, Bella was left in Emmett's charge and he failed to protect her the way a female friend would have. She discovered the two postcards that Edward had sent her hidden in a desk drawer as she searched for a pencil.

While everyone had feared that news of Edward would send Bella over the edge, the exact opposite happened. She read his excited words and realized that his world was moving forward in an thrilling direction while hers had ground to a halt. She acknowledged that it was time to pick herself up off the floor and rejoin the living. And that was what she did.

It was incredibly difficult at first, to join her friends at social events and force a smile while enjoyment seemed to come so easily to everyone around her. Apologetically, Bella explained that she needed to distance herself from her close friends for awhile and try standing on her own two feet. Bella took every activity flier off of every bulletin board she passed and tried every activity that was mentioned at least once. The girls of the knitting club were too prudish even for the mostly virtuous Bella and unsurprisingly, one round of roller derby left her black and blue, but she discovered an aptitude for rock climbing that shocked everyone who had observed her inability to walk across flat ground, most of all herself.

She began her rock climbing adventures in a gym when she was dragged there by her father's girlfriend's son, who had begun U Dub that fall as a freshman. Emmett was the older brother she'd always wanted, but Seth was the younger brother she'd never even considered. It wasn't that she didn't like Seth. In fact they'd clicked almost immediately. The part she found strange was that her father, who'd led a monk-like existence while she was growing up, was suddenly disgustingly happy with his new girlfriend, and Seth was a daily reminder of this strange phenomenon. For Seth, Bella was the older sister he'd always wanted. Although he actually had an older sister, he suspected that Leah had a personality disorder and she never fed him and fussed over him like Bella. HE enjoyed that she worried about him when he did stupid things with his friends and did his laundry every time she visited him because she knew he couldn't manage it without turning all of his white clothes pink.

Seth's daring nature led them to the rock-climbing gym and his sunny personality attracted a group of seasoned climbers who spent several weeks trying to convince Bella to try an outdoor climb. She claimed that she was going only to keep Seth from falling on his head, but after watching Seth, Embry, Quill and even Quill's girlfriend Claire nimbly scale what they claimed was an easy run, Bella couldn't bring herself to leave without trying it once. The seeming leader of the group, Jacob, who had stripped off his shirt when they first arrived and caused Bella's face to heat, offered to help her into her equipment and belay for her. The gentle brush of Jacob's calloused fingers across her skin felt so different from Edward's, but Bella's heart began to beat faster, as if it were awakening after a long freeze. She made it halfway up the boulder before she missed her next hold and her footing slipped. While her equipment would have broken her fall, it wasn't necessary because Jacob caught her. He set her on her feet, squeezed her arm, and told her that she'd gotten farther up on her first climb than he had. His first attempt, in fact, had landed him on his ass and earned him a month's worth of ribbing from his friends. Jacob's self-deprecating story and gleaming white smile caused a fluttering in Bella's stomach that she hadn't felt since she first met Edward. Startled, Bella realized that she could think of him now without feeling sad or hurt. It made her smile to realize she had finally moved on.

Bella quickly repaired the rift she had created between herself and her old friends, bringing her new friends along with her. Seth was almost Emmett's twin in size and personality, so he fit right in, but Bella's girlfriends were suspicious of Jacob. When she called them on it, Alice and Rosalie explained that they could tell Jacob had feelings for her and they didn't want her to get hurt again. Jacob intuitively realized that Bella had been hurt and if he wanted a chance with her, he would have to proceed slowly. He spent quite a few months developing a friendship with her and Alice and Rosalie gradually accepted him and got to know him as a kind and caring man who they actually believed would be good for their friend. Jacob moved almost too slowly, and by the time he finally asked her out, Bella was afraid that they'd moved into the friend zone. She was excited to accept and her friends were all incredibly supportive.

Their first date involved a short climb to a beautiful, secluded meadow where Jacob had set up a picnic with Bella's favorite foods. As their relationship progressed, he proved over and over that he was incredibly in tune with Bella's feelings. For Bella, it was very confusing at first, because the feelings she was developing for Jacob were completely different than the way her relationship with Edward had progressed. Her first love had been almost instant, like a fall off of a cliff, while this love was happening gradually like the descent of an airplane. Even though her feelings for Jacob were very different, they were no less genuine and she felt happier than she had in a very long time.

Edward's time in Europe had been completely exhilarating. He'd run with the bulls, visited ancient ruins and enjoyed the company of some girls who totally fit the backpacker stereotype and some who broke the mold completely. He never once regretted his trip, but after a year, he realized that it had served its purpose and it was time for him to return home and see what he could do to put his life back together. He'd barely kept in touch with his family and friends, only a few postcards here and there. Edward was nervous about how his parents and sister would react to his return. He knew they were disappointed in the way he'd left, but ultimately they loved him and would realize that what he'd done had been what was best for him.

It turned out he was right. Upon his return, his parents had both lectured him, but had welcomed him home with open arms and insisted he stay with them until he found a job. His sister had given him the cold shoulder for a few weeks. She'd lasted longer than she'd been able to when they were kids, but eventually she'd caved, punched him, then hugged him. Emmett had, as always, done exactly as his wife told him to do.

Edward found that taking a year off after college for a European adventure wasn't a deterrent to the job hunt as he had feared, but was actually a talking point to bring up in interviews and sold a rather prestigious advertising firm on his outgoing personality. He found an apartment in the city and tried to pick up with his old friends after a year apart. It hurt that Jasper and Alice refused to acknowledge his return, but he understood their loyalty to Bella. He knew that his sister and Emmett were still in rather frequent contact with Bella, and he tried a few times to subtly pump them for information about her. His sister was just as silent on the subject as he would expect her to be, but Emmett was surprisingly stoic.

With Emmett and Rosalie not talking, Edward had to turn to more distant acquaintances for news of Bella. Several of his college buddies had known Bella through him and also knew Seth, Jacob, Quill or Embry through the gym or various other activities. Edward felt the first true pain since his return when he learned she had a new boyfriend.

Unable to stop himself, Edward visited the gym where Bella, Jacob and their group of friends climbed when weather prevented them from being outside. Seeing Bella make it to the top of the wall then turn to her friends, grinning, made his heart speed up. Watching her descend the wall and jump the last few feet into the waiting arms of a tall, muscular man with black hair made his heart stop and pain slice through him. The glowing expression on her face as she looked up at his replacement was the same look she'd given him once upon a time.

Edward was shocked to realize that he hadn't really ever considered Bella in his desperate flight for freedom the year before. He'd loved her and it had hurt to leave her, but his frantic need to escape from the path his life was on had outweighed any pain he felt. He'd worked hard not to think about her while he was gone and somehow his mind had tricked him into believing that her life had paused when he left and she was just waiting for him to return and hit the play button. The knowledge that she had moved on and was happy without him was almost crushing. Returning to his new apartment, he dug through the top drawer of his dresser until he found a green scarf. He sniffed it and even after all this time it still smelled like her. Like a drive through autumn leaves or a midnight dance. Like a time when decisions hadn't been painful and every choice hadn't meant losing something important. Like the first real thing he'd ever known.

**Not sure if this story is complete or if it will continue to cover the song "I Almost Do." It feels like the characters have closure, but what do you think?**


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